How Much Play Do You Have in Your Marriage?

Many couples today are challenged with balancing work and life. When Martha and I are feeling out of balance, the first casualty is our playfulness. When the demands of our work and the commitments we’ve made put us into overwhelm, often what gets crowded out is play. When we step back, get a little perspective and make time for “us,” naturally and spontaneously, a sense of playfulness returns in our marriage.

Typically, when I think of play, I think of what Martha and I are going to do for fun, for amusement or for pleasure. Another definition of play is “freedom of movement or having greater elbowroom or leeway.” Whenever Martha and I are putting a priority on play in our lives, we feel less constricted by our schedules and responsibilities, we give ourselves greater permission to swing out and we feel free to have fun.

That experience of being playful together is what often attracts a couple to each other in the early days of their relationship and, throughout marriage, it is often that shared experience to which a couple is always returning. When Martha and I make sure there is play in our lives, we don’t take life so seriously, we can laugh at ourselves and we are a lot more fun with others. Curiosity, experimentation, exploration, risk-taking, humor, laughter and love abound.

If your lives feel like “all work and no play,” consider how the quality of your marriage will be in three months when you have taken no action to put play front and center in your lives. Spend 20 minutes with each other considering the following questions:

• What do you love doing together?
• What recreational activities give you both a feeling of being free?
• What gives you pleasure or joy?
• What activities give you greater elbowroom in your lives?
• What are some fun activities you’ve always wanted to do and haven’t?
• What are you committed to pursuing together in the next three months?

Together take out your calendars and put times for play in your schedules. Or better yet, if you can, put your calendars away and go do something just for fun!

Posted in Partnership Marriage