Bringing Partnership to Money
Bob Mauterstock and I are leading a workshop called, The Couples and Money Workshop, on Saturday, October 29th on Cape Cod. The workshop is $249 per couple and will be held at the First Parish Brewster, 1969 Main Street, in Brewster.
We are committed that you and your spouse come away from the workshop with a new access to power and partnership in your relationship to money! We invite you to join us!
In the course of your life together, you and your spouse may not always be able to change the circumstances of your lives. You can, however, become aware of the ways in which you both view your circumstances. Such unwitting perspectives frame “the way it is” for you and your spouse and impact the quality of your partnership and your life together.
In this workshop, you will examine your individual and shared views of your relationship with money. Some couples, for instance, view their relationship with their finances through a joint perspective of “We never seem to be on the same page.” Other couples view money through a lens of “We’ll never have enough.” Whatever perspective(s) you have will shape your shared reality, impact how effectively you work together and influence how satisfied you are in the arena of money.
Michael and Sarah, who participated in one of my partnership courses, have been happily married for over 30 years and wanted to bring a greater sense of partnership to the arena of money. They shared with me the following story.
In our approach to finances, we have had long-standing, diametrically opposed worldviews. Michael’s might be summarized as “We are going to be in the poor house unless we save everything that we can.” Sarah’s worldview about finances might be portrayed as “Spend it and the money will come.”
We had essentially come to grips with these opposing viewpoints early in our relationship and found ways to work around them. Michael would try to hide as much money in a retirement fund as possible and swallowed any residual resentment. Sarah would schedule travel vacations and buy gifts, while hiding her guilt behind a veil of optimism and cheerful-heartedness. This disconnection frequently left Michael feeling like a tyrant and Sarah like a misbehaving child. Over the years this “norm” felt like we were managing the issue, mostly focusing on trying to forgive the other person’s misguided beliefs, and basically “blessing their little hearts.” In our hearts we knew this was not a place to create passion and partnership for the long term; in fact, the issue was the focal point of most arguments.
In being able to identify our disempowering perspectives and their costs to the quality of our relationship, we broke through to a level of partnership that was previously inconceivable to either of us: A level beyond tolerance, and even beyond cooperation. Initially the challenge was separating each other’s perspectives (and our own) from “right” and “wrong.” Only then were we able to create a shared perspective as a couple—a stand for transparency, honesty, mutual respect and shared decision-making.
We named this joint perspective “Partners Without Pants,” a tag line that immediately recalls the joy of that discovery and points to a sense of humility and humor in our partnership. Ironically, by joining together in true fiscal partnership, we were also able to see the value in each other’s perspective: Michael has secured our future while Sarah has supplied the memories along the way. There is a balance and a union where once there were established battle lines and a lot of point counting.
Together, and in partnership, we have gained power over our finances. We have created room for a supportive relationship with our finances and collaboration on what’s important in our lives. We can laugh about money or fight when we disagree—just like real partners do. This is the essence of our partnership now in the realm of our family finances.
In the Couples and Money Workshop, you will become aware of the perspectives through which you view money. You will also see the impact of these perspectives on the quality of your relationship and your lives. By being responsible for that impact, you will have the opportunity to create an empowering shared perspective(s) through which to view your relationship to money.
Again, the Couples and Money Workshop will be held from 8:30 am to 4:30 am on Saturday, October 29th at the First Parish Brewster, 1969 Main Street, in Brewster.
The fee for the workshop is $249 per couple.
You can register here. If you’d like to speak to me about the workshop or have any questions, contact me at: andy@thepartnershipmarriage.com.
Please come and join us! Create a powerful partnership in your relationship with money!
Posted in Partnership Marriage
